| Heres my emo- in yourface-take a picture- with half my hair covering my face Lj |
[entries|archive|friends|userinfo] |
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| Ok ive let it all out... |
[Nov. 20th, 2004|12:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | movies all day long basicaly | ] |
Why are so many people so lame. really. Lets evaluate it. Me and Andrew broke up a month ago. Im moving on .Not like me and jake started talking during my relationhip with andrew or the day after.I never talked shit.Perhaps you say I am because you can't deal with the ugly truth. Half the student body did talk shit though. But andrew knew that was coming to him. THIS IS HIGHSCHOOL.Dont get mad at me because you can't deal with it. Dating, people think its frig'n marrige. People are hating on me and my actions and decisions,when they don't even know what I'm about or what I went through. So for me to be happy is a crime basicaly. Well I/we could care less, causing drama only makes every thing worse .And personaly, if you think about it, showing that you care is only making u look like your NOT OVER IT/or jelous. so you should probably stop. |
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| I dedicate this to... |
[Nov. 17th, 2004|07:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | shakira | ] |
ahem. Dear"friend", you meen so much. and it's funy because we just got aquainted. I already feel like Ive known you fer hella gripa days. I wish I could turn back time, and start over, and forget what a mess I have created the past 6 months. I wish i could understand this.I hope even more that you can. Im ME around you. You make me happy? If that's at all possible. You actualy listen, and dont pretend to care. Your not fake, and can make the best out of any situaton. however, how do I know your every thing you appear to be. My luck doesn't come by the dozen, and your actions say differn't.Ive been decieved way to many times to take this one for headline- and sinker- again. Im a WELCOME doormatt for losers. And I wish i could take it all away.How can you teach some one to trust again? I don't want to hurt you, but i hope that you can understand this is what works for me right now. layering my self with an outer shell, blocking you from all angles of " inner me."Saying this to you personaly would be difficult. I hate apologies, they have proven to not meen anything, and I don't trust " I love yous" they only lead to deceit and hurt. Even when you meen it.especialy when you meen it.if this is a masquerade take off the desguise. so I can see your face. because everytime i see your face... |
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| bordbord |
[Nov. 10th, 2004|09:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | TEK9 mwahaha | ] |
1. Voted in the 2004 presidential election.
2. Ate only mac and cheese for a week straight.
3. Drove 14 hours straight alone in a car.
4. Knew every word to every Alkaline Trio song.checkcheckcheck
5. Danced around to an entire Big D set.
6. Changed college major 4 times.
7. Lost a good friend to a boyfried.
8. Said 'I love you' and meant it.
9. Hugged a tree.
10. Done a striptease.
11. Bungee jumped.
12. Went swimming drunk.
13. Worked at a music store.
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sunrise.
15. Seen the Northern Lights.
16. Gone to a huge sports game.
17. Was a band geek.<wanted to be wow.
18. Ate bread sticks with alfredo dipping sauce.NEVVER
19. Walked in the snow barefoot.
20. Slept under the stars.
21. Changed a baby's diaper.a cajillion times foo
22. Said the phrase, 'Flavor Flave' at least 5 times. haha
23. Watched a meteor shower.yah hella gripa cool
24. Tried being a vegetarian.
25. Given more than you can afford to charity.
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope.
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment.
28. Had a food fight.
29. Eaten just sprinkles and nothing else.theyr helluv grose plane
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill.duah
31. Been a member of a crew.
32. Had a snowball fight.
33. Asked a stranger for their number by choice.
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can.
35. Held a lamb.
36. Been addicted to Dunkin Donuts french vanilla coffee.
37. Went to numerous shows at Mass Skate.
38. Taken an ice cold bath.
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar.
40. Seen a total eclipse.
41. Ridden a roller coaster.
42. Rockin the high five.
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days.
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking.NO i get it on and then every1 watches.
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day.
46. Been so homesick you cried.
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment.
48. Gotten into a heated argument about politics.
49. Admired someone from afar.times a billion omgush!
50. Loved your job for all accounts.
51. Taken care of someone who was shit-faced. Haha yeah
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
53. Had amazing friends.
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country.
55. Absolutely loved the Ataris.
56. Stolen a sign.
57. Been pulled over for going 20+ miles over the speed limit.
58. Taken a road trip.
59. Feared you closet when the door is open at night.
60. Dropped your cell phone in a toilet.
61. Midnight walk on the beach.BEACH HOUSE 04
62. Burried a pet in the backyard when it died.
63. Was unashamed of liking Avril Lavigne.
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love.
65. Bought a $10 scratch ticket.
66. Was a devoted Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan.
67. Play an instrument.
68. Milked a cow.
69. Alphabetized your records.eyah..
70. Pretended to be a superhero.
71. Sung karaoke.
72. Lounged around in bed all day.
73. Drove around just to get lost.
74. Trick or treated into your high school years. Hell yeah!
75. Got it on to The Mars Volta.
76. Kissed in the rain.
77. Played in the mud.
78. Played in the rain.
79. Told a cop to fuck off.
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it.
81. Saw Team America: World Police. Im gonna rip off your balls and shove them up your ass, so the next time you shit, you shit all over your balls!!!!
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog.
83. Sat on top of a garage and watched the sun set.
84. Drove 2+ hours to see a band.
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken.
86. Urinated danger.
87. Was in debt.
88. Hated someone just because.
89. Been in pain after amazing sex.
90. Had eye sex.ahaha
91. Modeled for McDonald's.
92. Crashed a party.
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have.
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy.
95. Made a build-a-bear.
96. Watched Finding Nemo 5+ times.
97. Gone without food for 5 days.
98. Made cookies from scratch.
99. Made 8 amazing vegan cakes.
100. Drove a boat without a boater's license.
101. Gotten a tattoo.
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on.
103. Gave someone a 3 inch penis extension as a gift.
104. Shared a box of Lucky Charms with your dog.
105. Got roses delievered from a guy you didn't know.i wish***
106. Received 26 voicemails in 4 hours.
107. Got so drunk you made out with a mountain man.
108. Enjoyed smoking cigarettes.
109. Performed on stage.O yus
110. Been to Las Vegas.3 times?//uh
111. Recorded music.
112. Have at least 10 screen names.
113. Had a one-night stand.
114. Cooked a full meal for someone you loved.
115. Seen Dave Matthews live.
116. Been on at least 5 prescribed medications at once.
117. Crack priest jokes whenever possible.
118. Burried a loved one.
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off. trimmed?
120. Been on a cruise ship.
121. Spoken more than one language fluently.
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone.
123. Ate something really gross for money.
124. Made a movie about being drunk.
125. Worked at a hospital.
126. Went to Friendly's twice in one day.
127. Stayed in Best Buy for over an hour.I slet in there...
128. Found a song that summed up your entire life.
129. Thought of dandelions as lawn stars.
130. Made someone call you just to bounce to your ring tone.
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did.
132. Called or written your Congressman/Member of Parliament.
133. Had a brother who worked at Hollister.
134. Never lost faith in the BoSox.
135. Went to Louisiana during Mardi Gras.
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking.
137. Taken a pregnancy test.
138. Fell while roller skating.
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
140. Ate just croutons cause they're amazing.
141. Gone swimming in freezing water.
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback.
143. Glued change to the ground and watch people struggle to pick it up.
144. Petted a stingray.
145. Broken someone's heart.
146. Ate an onion from a dare.
147. Called a teacher a bitch to their face.
148. Felt stupider after listening to George W talk.
149. Broken a bone.
150. Pierced your own eyebrow.
151. Ate pepper plain to see how bad it was.
152. Feared for Jesse Clauson's life when he drives in the snow. hah.
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph.
154. Walked along a beach at 2 am drinkin beers with friends.
155. Had pneumonia.
156. Disected a sheep's brain.
157. Ridden a horse.
158. Had major surgery.
159. Had sex in a car.
160. Had a gerbil as a pet.
161. Quit a job without giving 2 weeks notice.
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing.
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours.
164. Pretended to be blind for a day.
165. Ate dog food.
166. Been white water rafting.
167. Can blow awesome spit bubbles.
168. Talked like Homestar Runner for ovre 20 consecutive minutes.
169. Wanted to move to Canada.
170. Played an intense game of volleyball in the backyard.
171. Had your picture in the newspaper.
172. Got lost in New York City.
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about.
175. Gone back to school.
174. Locked your keys in your car 3+ hours from home.
176. Had a water balloon fight.
177. Changed your name.
178. Made love while Family Guy was on and laughed at ever funny part.
</b>179. Read away messages over and over again even when you know they haven't changed.(yah thast right I ADMIT IT) what!?</b>
180. Read The Iliad.
181. Was completely insensitive.
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups for the hell of it.
183. Called someone a cockbag.
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
185. Dyed part of your dog blue.
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt.
187. Skipped senior prom.
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language.
189. Argued you way out of a ticket.
190. Got harassed by Canadian customs.
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream.
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care.
193. Owned a furbi.i had helluv I pimped those things
194. Drank a whole gallon of milk in a day.
195. Never missed a year of the Big E.
196. Dyed your hair.
197. Been a complete livejournal junkie.
198. Thrown a party while the parents were away.
199. Made your own tshirts.
200. Answered a phone call while having sex. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 24th, 2004|05:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The cure | ] |
Im s0o over writing in this. Im currently preoccupied with more important things.
So for now, Just Ask Me. |
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| Muy Bien... |
[Sep. 21st, 2004|05:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  busy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *Shakira* | ] |
Ive had a long busy week.. and its only Tuesday. Ive got some thing new to do every day. And I can't wait for H/s to be over, because Im so over it. Im done with the people there, and the homework. Every one has to tell every one every thing. Every one seems to be scrambling to find some where to belong to, acceptance. Because the acceptence of their own isn't good enough. It isnt every thing to own a car and be home coming king and queen. Idealistic dreams don't go past than H/s.So what you got straight A's your entire 4 years? Going straight to a UC is a horrible idea. I'm just realizing now that all the time I've spent trying to make this team, be "their" friend, make principal's honor role; in the end it never made a difference to me.It's to bad if you hate my entry and think im far off, your probably just ONE of them. Fuck off. Im tired of people thinking they can do a better job at being me.
Please let me know, if you THINK YOU CAN. No hard feelings, contact me, Im not hard to find.
The weeks days turn into years, the distance from being complete seems to keep adding up. But you never seemed to be more than a few steps away. |
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| The Great Gatsby |
[Sep. 18th, 2004|11:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | touched | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Thursday | ] |
"Of coarse you can turn back time."
no, you cant...
Meen while our lives are on fast-forward. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 11th, 2004|08:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Alkaline Trio | ] |
 Andrew and I took pictures last night<3 Its hot |
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| I took a dive and... |
[Sep. 4th, 2004|08:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The random music videos playing as they invite them selves i | ] |
I don't care to write in this thing so much any more. Perhaps is the time thats been subtracted out of my buessy -over- slaved schedual. School is a handful and I can't wait for the stress to end. Its old. Im so0 over it.I don't go to school every day because I want to see my friends or catch the latest gossip.I can them them on my own time.And I seem to fall upon information I wish would be concealed in the ears it came from. I walk steady with my head down, and kept placently between the whispers of rumores, and the echoes of laughter. I don't ever care if I go to another Saturday night party. For now I would like to rest besides the comforts of friends and Andrew-Your everlasting patience has been the glue to my well-being this week.
The steps that lead to our future started from the photos locked in a diposible camera.
My head fitting the gap between your shoulders, and neck, like puzzle pieces.
The darkest nights are filled with solmn thoughts of the. walls. But a guitars notes surround me with comfort and ease .
Betrayed by the wolves of rumores.
Walks fading into a pink horizon .
Cinimas never endured the minds of bordom.
However, its not a-must, for gazing into your eyes never siezed to be a mystery to me.
And if the stars hung to high that evening, then you'd tip the cresent moon to off balance everything.
Raising me above the cloudes of imperfection, enabling me to understand the earth's wonders.
Carring your emotions on your sleeves proudly like medels won at war.
Ironicaly I wear the crown of Love. Ruling the lands of fear, joy, and trust.
All held between the clasps of a chained braclet of hearts. |
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| Sure sure |
[Aug. 10th, 2004|01:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | As I lay dying | ] |
Im feeling down right now. I wish I could just run from it. However this isn't some where that I can leave, or some one I could ignore. The only way is to move forward. I feel like some ones standing on my chest.I'm an emotional reck right now, and its great knowing that one person I can turn to is Andrew. Sure I have missy and Perri butSoem tiems you need soem thing differn't.I could fall flat on my face and he'd laugh, but still think the world of me. Feeling beautiful, and special can make any ones day. I can't wait till vacation.
kiss off.
note to self...(you are subject to change) |
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| you know how I do |
[Aug. 7th, 2004|10:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  silly | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Taking back sunday/The nerve agents | ] |
Where to begin. This week has been buessy, which is how I like my life. I needed something to take my mind of Andrew not being around. I think it's great to have time to miss the other, it reminds you to not take the time you are together for advantage. So I spent time with my girls(unreplacable). I really like being over at the Cervatez's, they really make me feel like at home when I'm there. Thats really nice. I think it's because they are so much like my own. I went shopping this week, spent tiem alone, but theres only so much of that you can do. I end up driving my self crazy, I just think to much. |
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| Just, you know |
[Jul. 28th, 2004|05:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Doors | ] |
Summer hasnt been so bad latly. Went swimmnig today at andrews. I found out that ants can fly, and he has crystals layed down in his rock/cement. I have been a little fusterated this week. I had this designed idea in my head, but common me/I got artistly fusterated. NICE.Live with 'art adn fear'. I just got mad enough one night to take some thing out with a brush and paper. I was told that I cant be scared of some thing that hasn't happend, and if I never try than Ill never know. And if I mess up 'fuck it'. [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<i [...] to.>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] Summer hasnt been so bad latly. Went swimmnig today at andrews. I found out that ants can fly, and he has crystals layed down in his rock/cement. I have been a little fusterated this week. I had this designed idea in my head, but common me/I got artistly fusterated. NICE.Live with 'art adn fear'. I just got mad enough one night to take some thing out with a brush and paper. I was told that I cant be scared of some thing that hasn't happend, and if I never try than Ill never know. And if I mess up 'fuck it'. <I am going to try and run my life accrding to.> Leaving those behind that choose to fall. But for those who deprive me of happiness will perish in hell:)
I can't wait to show you my love what my masterpiece has become. |
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| whupaaaa! |
[Jul. 12th, 2004|02:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nights like these | ] |
ah its been hella gripa days sense Ive updated. My comp down stairs is broken no joke hella crack out. tiiiight, So I am at perri's. We're waiting for mikey to come and pick us up and go to IN-N-OUT. GREAT its part of the current project called the how -fat-jackie can -get- over sumerbreak -diet. My hair is getting longer YES. that has been my personal goal for a year.How sad watching my hair grow...Meen while the boys are practicing getting ready for their show on the 24. Hopefuly I'll be driving there...EEEE.Warped tour was pretty good Thursday was far by my favorite, I <3 throwing some of muh bows around!!#$@## I dropped my camera in the water..so Hopefuly pix from my 4th and WT turn out still, I was so mad when I did that @Crowsons. Daycare kids have been driving me crazy me crazy all summer long totaly hatin on thur shit! A part of me can't wait for school to start and a part of me doesnt want to because Ill be a junior and then a senior and being forced to grow up and shit. My first job turned out to be a crack, they wanted to train me with out payingme? HAHA FUCK MILANOS PIZZA. Ill burn that mutha down .!The smallest things complete my happiness like new earings, and seeing my friends and andrew every day..Andrew. The longer together we've been together the moreI find that hes not just a b/f but my best friend. We can talk about any thing and feel totaly comfortable with around eachother. I can't imagine ever loosing him as a main figure in my life.He supports me and picks me up in every way<3 just another small reason I love him. When Im not with him I feel alone. Hopefully I can see more of him when I start driving. I wish the small things in life that I enjoy werent so complicated:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:( |
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| Through being cool |
[Jun. 8th, 2004|06:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Saves the Day | ] |
Today I feel amazing. I finnished my Mandala just in time to put it in the art show. I got hella gripa comments on it. So all the hard work payed off. I placed 2nd in the art show. That meens so0o0o much considering I took a semester to complete just 2 finale projects to enter in this art thang. Gordon got 1st, well won, hes highly skilled. However, Mrs Thornir made a comment mentioning that his art work was good , but just copyed off a photograph,while mine was created by me originally. And I guess thast considered more "valuble" in the world of art. RADICAL MAN.
I am a little crushed though, Today Scott was joking around and took the only pic I have of Andrew. I asked for it back, but he just ignored me. It was all crumpled in his pocket. I got mad, and Bean pissed me off even more(I forgot why), and I well, hit him. But Im tired of being hated on. :( . Tired. and you know I probably wouldnt be to upset over the picture bcuz after all it is just a picture,but I was going to use that picture for my scrap book. Now its all wrinkled and shit. I feel there is more behind this. Its not JUST the picture. A person can only be so nice for so long. I love scott like whoa, he makes me laugh, AND BEAN when hes not a complete asshole to me.I just got tired of it today, they picked a bad week. I don't meen to create drama, but Im not the one who took the photograph and wouldnt give it back. |
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| Hey baby lets give it -a -go! |
[Jun. 5th, 2004|07:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  relieved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Saves the Day | ] |
I hold back with a sign in relief before I say what I really meen. And this time. I really do meen it. I knew I couldn't hide behind my curly brown hair, paints , and quiet shyness any more. You know me , the real me. And it feels right, im s0o nude around you.<3 |
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| Dont you see that the cherade is over... |
[Jun. 4th, 2004|04:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | DC | ] |
Im at Perris(HOLA)We are chill waiting for the boys to get over with their "T-tyme" I love this Live recorded DC cd shes playing. Im hella going to burn it, and have my OWN personal DC concert @home. BAH. I have been feeling nothing but stressed latly bcuz of school and all of the assignments I have to turn in. HELLA.I am currently feeling ugly.but hey thats me.Im just glad Andrew is there 100% to listen to my complaining ass all the way. With out him,Perri, or missay I'd be for ever lost. :(:(:( I swear Ill fix my computer, its "not workin right "as Nickalula would say. I located the Virus, just cant remove it bcuz its hella sticky:( ugh |
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| Great |
[May. 29th, 2004|10:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Taking Back Sunday | ] |
cough cough cough:: |
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| bahaha |
[May. 27th, 2004|05:30 pm] |
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| Ballroom chat |
[May. 25th, 2004|04:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dance | ] |
I was wearing a dress that seemed to go on for days. Shimmering with beads, pearls, and dazzled in sparkles. My hair pined back with the slightest clip, and it was perfect. My shoes were made of glass, and I imagined me being the perfect hight to kiss you with out an effort. Cheeks like rose,a smile white like snow. The doors seemed to reach the heavens skys, yet weightless when I pushed them ajar. I steped on to the marble pave, and gasped. Chandellers hung from the ceiling, made of silver, and dimonds. The walls were painted with the purest of gold. Oil paintings captured the ancient moments of loved ones. My eyes darted around the room. Grasping in every detail at one glance. There my eyes rested upon a face.Eyes bright as the midday sky.Skipping a heart beat, my knees gave. It seemed like forever untill you reached my presence, waiting for your invite of a ballroom dance. Spinning with daze, the colors of the room seem to blend together. Every one seemed to be in awe of the delicate steps we made. Time paused, focusing on only me and you.Making up for all time that was spent with out you. Alas, the night ended as you tilted me back and kissed me. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 25th, 2004|08:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Back Street Boys | ] |
I m at school Trying to work on a project in English. AH so much for that.I fell sleep in class b4 we left. Rock.
I have to stay after school for Spanish with this brenden kid...Hes a bit odd, and keeps hitting on me :(:(:(uh no. Theres no1 on line to chat with. Iam sitting next to Nora right now<3 we are updating our lame lj's like the cool kids we are. I cant wait till school starts so i can get out of here and see my baby<3 |
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